As soon the class ended, Emily hurried across to Leighton's seat and gave her a giant hug. "It's so good to see you, Leybear!" she giggled. They shared a few laughs and then made their way to the next room where they were going to meditate for another forty five minutes. "So why didn't you come then? Caught up at work?" Emily asked her. She was eager to know why Leighton hadn't attended Paisley and Derek's engagement party the previous night. But Leighton wasn't ready to have that conversation yet. She looked at her feet, mumbled some gibberish and then excused herself to get a quick drink of water before the next class began.
Emily placed her mat at her usual spot and sat down with her legs crossed. As she sat up straight and closed her eyes, a flood of thoughts overwhelmed her mind. "Now students, please clear your mind completely. We are not here to think, we are here to relax and just be," the instructor advised. "Be what?" Emily wondered as she slowly succumbed to the tornado of thoughts. She felt very anxious. Just then, she heard the sound of another mat being placed close to her. She squinted and caught a quick glimpse of Leighton positioning herself next to her. That set off another wave of thoughts in Emily's mind. Thoughts that were making her feel helpless, irritated and even angry. She squirmed, uncrossed and crossed her legs a few times until she felt comfortable again.
"Psst.. Ley," she whispered with her eyes still closed, hoping Leighton would hear her. "Can you hear me? Were you out last night?" she probed. Leighton whispered back hesitantly, "What are you doing Em? We can't talk!"
Emily's fears had been confirmed . Leighton was definitely out on a date. Two long years since she and Nathan had parted ways. Two years and many random men later, Emily believed that Leighton's heart still belonged to Nathan, and she took much solace in that. Her personal feelings were deeply invested in the the relationship between the two of them, even if they both claimed that it was broken forever. What was happening now though? Had Leighton had a change of mind and God forbid, a change of heart? The more Emily tried to not think about it, the more she did and the more the ugly monster of fear grew.
"Do you really like him?" Leighton was having as much luck 'just being' as Emily was. She did not want to break her sweet friend's heart but at this point, it was inevitable. "Maybe," she whispered..
Emily's heart stopped beating for an entire minute.
She must have turned blue because at that moment, the instructor walked up to her and gently whispered a few kinds words of reassurance in her ear and encouraged her to relax. "I know you can do it", she said as she left. But all Emily could think of was her friend's new found love. She opened her eyes and slowly, very carefully moved up closer to Leighton. "Please talk to me Ley". Leighton opened her eyes, took her hand and said softly, "I'm letting go of Nathan, Em. I can't go on like this anymore. I'm tired. And lonely".
"I don't want to be sad anymore. Nathan has made his decision". Emily disagreed but she knew anything she said in Nathan's defense would fall on deaf ears. It seemed like Leighton's mind was made up. "His memories are imprinted on your soul and you know it," Emily said. She would say no more.
The bell went off, their class had come to an end. There was a sudden burst of noises: voices expressing relief, the sound of mats being folded, people walking around, cell phones ringing, soda cans popping open. The trow friends stood in the midst of the chaos. "What I'm trying to tell you Emily is that I've decided to let go of the idea that Nathan and I will ever get back together again and I am really okay with that," Leighton sighed.
The rest of the day was tainted with a marked feeling of loss, for Emily and for Leighton.
