# 4 : Humble Beginnings

Leighton was up late in her study working on her piece for the week, doing the final editing and putting in the finishing touches. She was not content with the outcome. She worried that her lack of mental peace in the last few weeks had taken a toll on her writing. The thought scared her. Writing was the true love of her life. A day without it was an incomplete one. She had her own weekly column in the city's most prestigious newspaper, The Daily Standard. She believed in her talent and was convinced that she was put on Earth to worship the written word. But had she been slipping lately? "I'm sure it's not that bad," she reassured herself. On second thought, she contemplated sending her piece to her editor, Larry, for a quick review. "I've never done it though. What would he think?" A grave pang of anxiety threatened to consume her composure.

Just then a message popped up on the screen accompanied by a *ping* sound.

"Hey babe, you're up late?"

It was Ricky. Leighton stared at the reply button for a few seconds and then at the time. It was late. Did she want to talk to him at this hour? Did she want to talk to him at all? She stared blankly at the screen again while she chewed on her nail unconsciously. A knot in her stomach formed and slowly got tighter. Was she going to risk opening the floodgates to the buried memories of Nathan? If she didn't remove herself from the situation, she knew she would be overcome by a deluge of discomfort and paradox. As she was trying to figure out if she had it within to deal with the situation at hand, she was jolted out of indecision by another *ping* sound followed by a message.

"You there Ley?" She sure was.

"Hey Eric, working late?" she pinged him back.

Ricky: "Eric? Call me Ricky babe.. you know how much I love it when you say my name"

Leighton ignored it.

Ricky: "Talk to me babe, I miss you"

Leighton checked her gut. Was he telling the truth? She couldn't decide. She shuffled some papers around her desk, looked at the time and then got up to get herself a drink from the red colored mini fridge by the window. The moonlight shined through the window into the room. Leighton stood by the window for a few moments to admire the view of the night outside. She craved a blank mind.

*ping* *ping* *ping*

"What was she doing with him?" she asked herself and squirmed in irritation."What does he want from me and why now? What's so new about me now?" she groaned. A part of her wished that he would leave her alone. Another part, however, disagreed. She allowed herself to back to the computer, back into the conversation that was making her nervous.

Leighton: "Sorry, went to get a drink.. back now. What you up to?"

Ricky: "Not much. You like Italian, don't you? I know of a really neat place in the city, close to where you live. Want to give it a shot?"

Leighton couldn't accept his offer.There were too many unresolved issues, too many questions. What about him? She wondered if she should invite Emily for a chat later that week or if she should discuss it with Kara. Who was her a better choice to confide in? Kara didn't know Nathan and it was probably better off left that way. Emily not only knew him, she idolized him. She would kill the idea of any other man in Leighton's life immediately. Between a rock and a hard place? This was it.

As for Ricky's role in this confusion, she was sure that she would not be unfair to him. She would not lead him on. Her thoughts began to rack her mind again. Wasn't she already being unfair? Even if she went on a date with him or on several, even if they did start a relationship, could she ever hope to have anything as deep and as powerful as what she had with Nathan?

Why couldn't she give Ricky a chance though? "No one (worth being with) has ever pursued me with such fervor," she argued. A part of her enjoyed the attention he showered with her with. She remembered that he was dateless at the fancy Gala event. On an impulse, she decided to believe that he was as authentic as anyone could be and before she lost the new-found conviction, she typed out her reply.

Leighton: "Sounds good, let's give it a shot"

Ricky: "So dinner at Casa di Amore next week, you and me equals awesome! It's a date then!"

Leighton: "Casa di Amore? I hope we aren't going to your place".

Ricky: "Funny! If your columnist career doesn't work out, you should try hanging out at a comedy club or two".

Leighton: "Sure why not? Heading to bed. 9am meeting with the editorial board tomorrow. G'nite Mr Crowther!"

# 3 : I miss you anway..

"Please eat something before you leave," begged Annamaria as she styled Leighton's hair with an over-heated curling iron. "This cannot be good for your hair, I am sure of that!"

Leighton nodded and took another sip of coffee. The tangy tasting note made the flavor especially crispy, especially delicious. "I think we have gone overboard here Anna. I look like an Aunt Gemelia's Christmas tree, don't you think?" Leighton mocked her reflection in the mirror. She waited for a response from Annamaria who was rummaging through the great pile of clothes on the bed, in search of an appropriate wrap. "So wha.. dya think?" she asked again, this time with her mouth full of glazed walnuts. She dug her hand into the blue glass bowl on her dressing table for a second helping. "Please no eat anymore that signorina mia," Annamaria pleaded. "You will be full and not eat supper before you go". She was perpetually concerned about her Leighton's odd eating habits.Annamaria handed her a soft black Alpaca wool wrap and reassured her that she was perfectly dressed for the Gala, before hurrying downstairs to the kitchen to put together a quick healthy snack for Leighton.

"I'm not going to eat anything fancy," Leighton yelled out from her room hoping Annamaria would hear her. "I'm putting the dress on now and will be down right after and then I need to leave. Toast me a strawberry pop tart if you really must. Anna? Anna!" she called out impatiently to the woman who had, over the years, become a mother figure in her life.

Leighton stared at herself in the mirror. She looked like the goddess Aphrodite. She wondered what Kara would say when they met? What would she speak to Jennifer Marrone about? What would Jennifer be wearing? What would Kara be wearing? Who would Ricky come with? Alessandra or Dolly or someone new? Would Ricky think she looked good? Would he say something to her? Should she mention the flowers? Should she not? Leighton stopped her train of thought that had begun to go nowhere. She couldn't lose it already, the night was still young.

She was greeted in the kitchen by a very dismayed look on Annamaria's face and plate full of pop tarts. "You're just the best," Leighton chuckled, gave AnnaMaria a warm embrace and left. The limousine that Kara had sent for her was waiting outside. Leighton was ready to rock and roll.

The forty five minute drive to the party was long and punctuated with several traffic jams. The well lit streets were teeming with pedestrians, some in a hurry, some out on a stroll. The night was gorgeous. She was brimming with nervous excitement. The butterflies in her stomach were fluttering around in a frenzy previously unknown to her. She was going to meet a lot of very important people including Ricky. She had to admit to herself that her thoughts on him were now of a serious nature. Were his words genuine after all? They had been exchanging emails regularly and even chatted online more than a few times. For the most part, it was still casual banter with the usual flirting thrown into the mix but he also often brought up wanting 'something more' with 'someone real'. Could anything ever happen between them and if it did, then would it work she pondered. She gazed up at the great expanse of black above. The divine roof that provides us with shelter was flawless that night. "How real am I really?"

As she gave it sincere thought, a strange vague discomfort arose within her; like a knot in her stomach, a dull ache in her heart, a sadness. Was she feeling guilty for pondering on the possibility another man in her life? Why? He had made it clear to her that they had no future together. Their feelings for one another did not matter because they weren't going to be together. He wanted to move on and for her to move on as well. But did he really? His words echoed in her mind and she winced:

At some point, we'll have to come to terms with the fact that we will have to be happy with the people and the circumstances around us - and that doesn't include each other...

Leighton's eyes welled up. She looked out again at the magical night sky. It was as clear as his words were.

"I am not going to ruin this night," she said with sudden urgency. But does love ever ruin anything? She did not know. She was happy and complete. She loved her life, she loved everyone in it. There was nothing that she needed from him. All she wanted was to share what she had with the person who had helped her get there. She was certain there was nothing unnatural or even 'wrong' in wanting it, but since it couldn't happen, it couldn't happen. She had to move on, she decided with the conviction that Cookie Monster would have had, had he ever decided to go on a 'no-cookie' diet for over a week.

The limousine finally arrived at the Grand Plaza. Leighton grabbed her silver tassel purse and stepped out, ready to dine and dazzle.

She looked up at the heavens one last time and sighed, "I miss you anyway".

# 2 : 'La Tempesta Interna'

Later that week, Leighton found herself at a newly-opened posh Italian restaurant called 'La Tempesta Interna', off Regent Street, with Kara for their weekly Wednesday afternoon lunch date. "What does it mean Ley?" Kara asked as she typed out an email hurriedly on her Blackberry. Kara was Leighton's good friend and confidant. She was also her boss, the Editor-in-Chief of The Daily Standard. She checked her appointments for the rest of afternoon, sent a quick text to her mom and then looked up at her. "Well..?"

"Umm, it means the storm inside. La tempesta, you know - the tempest?" Leighton explained. The confidence in her voice was distinct. She took a lot of pride in her knowledge of the Italian lingua.

'Why do you look so dazed?” Kara enquired but her attention was still with her Blackberry. “I felt awful about canceling the last two times. I’m glad we’re doing this today. I’m starved," she rattled on. Kara always decided the details of their lunch dates. This little restaurant was the place to be that week and Kara was very pleased that her assistant had managed to get them a reservation. They had already 'bumped' into five influential people while they waited to be served.

"You're not a woman of many words today, are you?" she continued as they helped themselves to some freshly baked bread and olive oil.

"Did you like my piece last week?" asked Leighton, hesitantly. She knew it was not her best work. There were many things she wanted to talk to Kara about but now was definitely not the time. She didn't quite see the point of their weekly Wednesday lunches because Kara was always pressed for time. She was either on her Blackberry or networking and the real reason she made time to go out was to be seen at all the right places. Not that Leighton took any issue with it; in fact, she enjoyed the fancy lunches but she knew that if she really wanted Kara’s attention, it wasn't going to be then.

The service was efficient and the food was delicious. As Leighton enjoyed her grilled chicken salad, Kara ordered a bottle of Chardonnay. "A bottle? Guess I'm getting buzzed today,” she smiled to herself.

Kara: I hope you are coming to to the Gala this Saturday, Ley. I want to introduce you to Mr. Wellington and James FitzPatrick .. and Jennifer Marrone. I spoke to you about them last month I think.

Leighton: Yeah, I remember. I was thinking about it but I don't know Kara.. I don’t know. They might wonder why I'm there, I mean I'm just a columnist.

Kara: Who are they?

Leighton: You know what I mean.

Kara: No I don't. Forget about them. Wear that black Carolina Herrera gown with white gold and diamonds - you'll look older and sophisticated. And get Anna to help put it together. That should work. Good?

Leighton beamed with joy. Excellent advice from a woman with a flawless sense of style. No one understood what look worked for Leighton better than Kara did. "That's perfect,” she said and leaned forward to give Kara a hug but then stopped herself. This was not the place nor the time for public displays of affection. She looked at Kara typing out another email and wondered if she should tell her about the bouquet of pink roses she had received earlier in the day. She knew Ricky very well. He would definitely be there at the Gala too.

Leighton: Kara, you know Ricky, don't you?

Kara: What's that?

Leighton: Umm.. you know Ricky. Ricky? Eric? Eric Crowther?

Kara: Hmm..?

Leighton: He works at the head office.. with Tim. You know him, I've seen you two talk many times.

Kara: With Tim? Is he on the Board as well? That reminds me I need to call him sometime this week. My mom's doing a Sunday brunch and wants to invite him. I'm sick of her trying to get the two of us back together.

Tim or Timothy Ryerson and Kara were happily married until they separated 3 years ago. He was also on the Board of Directors of the multi-billion pound parent company that owned The Daily Standard among various other newspapers, magazines and media-related businesses. Outside of work, the two of them only spoke when it came to matters concerning their 4 year old daughter, Bella, and when Kara's mom insisted on inviting him to the odd family event.

Leighton: I don't think that's her intention though. Tim has always been like a son to her and maybe she just wants to make sure he doesn't feel left out.

Kara: He has been left out so I don't see why we should all try to make him not feel that way! So what were you saying? Oh yeah, Eric Crowther - every struggling model's Prince Charming and personal savior. Of course I know Ricky. Do you want your column featured in his magazine? That's a good idea. Let's talk about this later?

Leighton: Umm.. no.. I mean sure, cool.

Kara signed the check and they got up to leave. She was going to pick up Bella from her mom's and then head back to the office. Leighton decided she would take a long stroll in the beautiful afternoon sun but only after a stop at the Starbucks across the street. "I think he went to your University, this Ricky I mean,” Kara said plainly.

Leighton: I have known him for 5 years. I brought his name up.. because.. well, just because I just thought of him.

Kara: Hmm.. I think it's time for another dose of caffeine honey. Make sure you get it before you do any writing for me!

They both laughed, gave each other a kiss on the cheek and went their ways. Leighton regretted mentioning Ricky's name. She had made a mess of it. Kara would definitely ask her about it later sometime, probably at her mom's Sunday brunch. She worried about what she was going to say. She worried about seeing him at the Gala. It was only Ricky but things had taken on a different color between them the past month or at least he had been different.

As she sipped on her Starbucks and headed toward the park, she wondered if he had really changed, if he really meant what he had been saying to her. Was he really sick of the genetically gifted women in the city? Did he really not want another shallow relationship? Had his unparalleled list of B list celebrity one-night stands finally come to an end? Hypothetically speaking, even if that were true then why would he want 'something real' with her? He had known of her existence for five whole years and nothing had ever happened between them. No sparks. No flames. No heat to speak of. So why the sudden change of heart? She stopped thinking about him. There were no answers to the innumerable questions and doubts in her mind.

She walked along the cobblestone path for a while and sat down on a bench. She placed her cup next to her and closed her eyes. The light breeze kissed her face gently and she smiled. A magical calm enveloped her and she felt loved, as if her angels were giving her a group hug. Her mind wandered down memory lane to her 5th birthday party. She smiled some more. Then she remembered her atrocious bright red high school prom dress and nearly laughed out loud. She was sure Emily had a picture somewhere. Then she thought of him. She felt the angels giving her a tighter hug, almost a squeeze. Leighton opened her eyes and looked at the bright sun.

She said a quick silent prayer asking the powers that be to send some warm loving sunshine down his path that day.

# 1 : Unwritten..

The smell of freshly ground coffee wafted across the hallway into the study. Leighton was standing in front of the large window pane, next to her desk, that stretched almost up to the ceiling. Tiny drops of rain were hitting against it and she watched as the water trailed down onto the pretty pink and white flowers in full bloom in the garden below. Her face lit up as Annamaria walked in with a pot of freshly brewed dark roasted delight. "The elixir of my life!” she declared and thanked her beloved housekeeper.

Annamaria watched bemused as Leighton gulped down her first cup of coffee and poured out another. "I'll bring in another pot in a few hours bella. I hope that’s good?" she asked hoping she would get an ‘okay’ from Leighton before she left the room. But Leighton was now at her desk lost in thought. The deep red mahogany desk, made from wood some thousand years old, sat in front of her like an enormous being frozen in time. Frozen, probably, with the melancholy of all those who dared to write against its back. Her head had been ringing all morning with a myriad of thoughts. Like they had gone wild at a crazed drunken party. She sipped on her drink and waited patiently as the caffeine cops broke it up. A blank new email stared back at her from the computer screen.

She wanted to have a conversation. It had been on her mind for too long and it had become ridiculously annoying. But it was not something just anyone would get. Not everyone can understand me, she reasoned. She needed to speak to someone who could and who would, she needed to speak to him. “But can I simply type out what I need to get off my chest and click send?” she wondered aloud in growing agony. After all, this was Nathan. "Why is my life complicated for no reason?"

The rain began to pour down a little heavier and as the clouds over-populated the sky, a gloom that matched Leighton's state of mind fell across the study. Paisley Roberts’ engagement party invite was lying next to the keyboard. She didn't want to look at it again but she did. Paisley was a high school acquaintance who hadn't quite existed in Leighton's world until a few months ago when she moved to the city. There had been a couple of reunion parties and now Leighton saw her at least three times a month which was three times more than she would have ideally liked. But Emily didn't seem to mind her at all and made it a point to include Paisley whenever they all got together and since Emily was practically Leighton's sister, that left her with no choice in the matter.

Paisley wasn't obnoxious condescending and diva-like nor was she an evil conniving sorceress; in fact she was quite the opposite. She was sweet, amiable and unassuming. She stood at 5 feet 3 inches, weighed around 135 pounds and had straight light brown hair up to her shoulders. She dressed plain, looked plain and well, was plain! Although Leighton believed that everyone is unique in their own way, she just couldn't figure out what exactly was un-average about her. Paisley lived her life by the book, followed all the norms and did exactly what the world expected of her and while Leighton agreed that such a feat was immensely commendable, it also bothered her greatly.

Why had Paisley become the bane of her existence? The quest to get to the bottom of her annoyance had to take an unwanted but much needed pause. First, she needed to find someone to pour her heart to, someone who could validate her view and knew where she was coming from. Emily? No chance. What about Ricky? She scrapped the idea almost as soon she began contemplating it. She was sure he would somehow manipulate lacy lingerie into the conversation and as amusing as that could be, she was in no mood for trivial flirtation this morning. She stared at the blank email one more time. If he were sitting on the couch in front of her this minute, reading the newspaper or doing whatever, it would be so easy! She would initiate the conversation and even if at first, he merely nodded without looking up once, she knew he was getting it and that by the time she was done sharing, he would have some wonderful insight that would put her at peace immediately. But he wasn't sitting on the couch reading the newspaper or doing whatever. He wasn't even in the same place as she was - emotionally and geographically.

She looked at the invitation card one more time. Paisley Roberts and Derek Shepherd. "They are definitely made for each other. Pretty much the same person", Leighton thought. She remembered the night Paisley had told them about Derek and how they had met while doing their weekly grocery shopping one Saturday morning. They had both wanted to buy the same grapefruit and while arguing over who had spotted it first, had fallen in love. Then they discovered that they lived in the same neighborhood, worked at the same company (different departments of course), each had a cat called Mr. Rusty when they were kids and sang the same songs in the shower. Their dating life lasted all of 5 weeks after which he proposed, she said yes and now they were all set to be officially engaged in a week and 'Mr. and Mrs. Derek Shepherd' in another 8. Paisley was about to embark on a lifelong journey of mediocrity with a fellow voyager, who also hailed from the 'Planet of the Nondescript" as Leighton described it. "Heavenly indeed!" she sighed. Just then a voice in her head with an uncanny resemblance to Emily's snapped at her, "Stop being so negative Ley, can't you just be happy for them?"

Her cell phone buzzed. A message from Emily:

“Are you still sleeping honey? I hope not! Get ready now, we're all meeting in 2 hours. Derek's coming too. See you then, xx (Be nice!)”

Leighton picked up the intercom phone and dialed. Annamaria picked up at the other end and assured her that her coffee would be ready and that she would help her do her hair once she was out of the shower. "Make it extra strong Anna, I'm gonna need it!". She left the study and ran upstairs to her room.

The rain had temporarily stopped but it had gotten darker outside. The study lay cold and empty, shrouded in silence. Annamaria entered with a cup of coffee and cookies. She put the tray down on the little table by the door and went toward the desk to switch off the computer. "She was in here for hours, she must have done lots of work,” she thought.

The blank email lay untouched on the screen; a testament to many a story not yet told, many a word not yet written.