# 11 : Sugar Spice & All Things Nice - Is that what Marriages are made of ?!!

Leighton and Emily watched as the newly-weds laughed and cried and embraced members of their families. Emily laughed and cried with them and tried in vain to hug Leighton. After her fourth attempt was met with yet another look of utter disapproval, Emily decided to focus her emotions on Regina instead, who was standing nearby. Paisley and Derek were finally united in matrimony and Leighton suspected that this day was probably the happiest day of their life. She felt happy for them, in that she was happy that they were happy but she couldn't quite wrap her head around the idea of marriage and how that could possibly be a source of happiness, for as long as one lived. It wasn't as though she was a bitter cynic who was against the sacred institution nor was she a stranger to love. She knew, better than most, what it felt like to want to be with someone every minute of every day. But marriage was different. Apart from the more obvious reasons of it being an overall costlier affair and that it came with much uglier consequences upon failure, it was different because it required two separate individuals to commit to making something last forever. Because anything short of forever would be deemed a failure! As if that wasn't daunting enough, a successful run would also involve making, hopefully, one or more new people and raising them to be happy and wholesome contributing members of society. "Hmm.. ", pondered Leighton as Emily and Regina cried themselves a minor water body. "I guess that could be the Dead Sea Part Two", remarked Leighton to herself.. "To commemorate the death of the individual identities of Paisley and Derek as they merge into one unit - The Roberts". She wouldn't dare share any of her thoughts with anyone around, lest she be butchered by all the wannabe Paisleys around. She let her eyes wander around the Church as she did a quick mental survey. "Too many.. I wouldn't stand a chance", she concluded.

The girls found themselves at the elaborate luncheon next where pretty much everyone was drunk before the appetizers were served. Emily had helped Paisley plan every detail of this auspicious day to the very last detail and she was beaming in triumphant glory. "Why aren't you eating, Ley?", she enquired as she placed three fish fingers on Leighton's plate. Leighton smiled politely and helped herself to another glass of wine. "Fried food!!", shrieked a little voice in her head but Leighton ignored it. She was definitely not going to eat all three but one would do her no harm, she decided as she stuck her fork in. A teeny smidge of oil oozed out and the voice went ballistic. It was the voice of anorexia. This time it got her. Leighton wanted to wince in horror but realized that this was neither the place nor time so she sneakily dropped or rather tried to drop her fork onto the floor. "Why did you fling your cutlery, Leighton?", asked Regina in her exceptionally high-pitched voice. The alarm on her face was obvious. "Is there something wrong snookums.. are you sad and mad because you're single?", she went on. The alarm quickly transferred to Leighton's face but she bit her tongue and smiled her most fake smile ever. "It just fell", she mumbled inaudibly. As they all waited for Leighton's fork to be replaced, Leighton drifted back into her thoughts.

Here they were, the Roberts ready to embark on a new life together - one of shared joys and sorrows, of love and companionship and one in which they hoped to grow and evolve together. She looked over at them - Derek's tie was tied around his head and he was hopping around Paisley on one foot while she tried to feed him the entire wedding cake, or at least significant chunks of it. "Scratch that - in which they hoped to stagnate together forever..", continued Leighton's thoughts. But what if after three years, she met someone else - someone even more 'perfect' for her, someone who understood her better and had more to give and share.. or what if six years and two kids later, Derek realizes that he s really a painter and that all he ever wants to do in life is to paint? "Derek painting.. hmm..", mused Leighton. She wondered what he would paint and what it would look like but then, concluded that the nature of his artwork was definitely beyond the scope of her imagination. So what would they do then? Nothing; stay committed to their marriage anyway because that would be the 'right' thing to do? But is that even natural? Being with one person forever and finding happiness, come what may? What if as the years go by, Paisley becomes more of who she really is while Derek doesn't, or what if down the line, Derek stops living the lies he believes about himself thanks to pop culture and the unwritten rules of society while Paisley opts to stick to the ways of the tribe - would they and could they, then, still be able to find 'true happiness' together or would there always be a sort of compromise? So if marriage is a compromise, then that begs the question - why was today one of the happiest days of their lives?!! How was their mutual love and subsequent union in front of God and the Law of the Land, a cause for joy and celebration??

Leighton knew that though she was seriously contemplating all of this, there was a sweet little lovebird inside her that sang to her sleep with its songs of romance and love every night. That music wasn't just about candle night dinners, heart-shaped candy and nights of passionate love-making; it was about everlasting love and togetherness and being there for one another through thick and thin. "Isn't that also something that marriage has to offer?", said a little chirpy voice that came from somewhere inside her. "You're right little birdie!", exclaimed Leighton. There was a sudden sparkle in her eye. The sun finally peeked through the gray-black clouds with the promise of sunshine and good cheer. "Aww.. you think so too, Ley?", laughed Emily as she put her arm around Leighton. "Huh.. what? yeah sure..", hesitated Leighton. "I said that true love is as much about the sparks and the sparkle as it is about the stability, security and sincerity... and you agree. I'm so happy today Ley!! I am your birdie as you are mine.. I love you", she announced as she squeezed her, lovingly, with her arms for a whole minute.

"Sayyy CHEEESE !!!!", yelled Regina from across table as she snapped a picture... *FLASH !!!!*

# 10 : 'Shrink' your doubts away

A thunderstorm was brewing. A dark gray shroud of clouds was spread across the heavens. It was only 5pm but the pervasive darkness made it seem as if time had raced forward that Saturday and it was already past midnight. Ricky was sitting on the suede maroon couch by the window in his bedroom, his shoulders bent over by the weight of a thousand million thoughts. He let the ashes from the cigarette in his right hand fall on the beige carpet below his feet, as he stared outside and forgot to take a drag for several seconds. The sky suddenly reverberated with a deafening sound of thunder, which was quickly followed by Camille's frightened shriek. "Come back to bed, Ricky", she pleaded as she repeatedly lifted her wavy golden tresses with both her hands and pushed them back. Ricky pretended not to hear.

He took another slow long drag and enjoyed the feeling for the next several seconds before letting it out. The muscles all over his body felt like they had been tied tightly into a dozen painful knots. He had tried everything he could possibly think of to fix the problem but had failed, miserably. Now he was beginning to wonder if the way out was to deal with cause, rather than to merely treat the symptoms. But for that, he had to figure out what the real reason behind his mental anguish was.

Camille got out of his bed and traipsed her way to the couch. She picked up a cigarette from the packet on the floor and lit it up, before seating herself on Ricky's lap. She put her arm around his neck and rested her head on his chest as she exhaled. "Let's go back to bed Ricky," she suggested another time and hugged him tighter. "Soon..," he whispered in her ear and slowly moved back into the couch, to give his back support. The new sensory titillation brought on by courtesy of Camille with her vanilla scented fragrance, the silky feel of her baby pink gown and the added cigarette smoke, all failed to de-stress him. His frustration was growing into anger. He stood up without warning, knocking Camille over, walked around the room aimlessly and then finally went into the restroom. He locked the door behind him, let the water run from the faucet and then faced himself in the mirror. He was ready for some serious self - evaluation.

It had been almost a week since Leighton had sent him that ominous email canceling their weekend trip together. He hadn't replied to it nor had he called her back. He couldn't understand why she had refused but more importantly, he couldn't believe that she had! He was not used to taking no for an answer from anyone, for anything. He liked Leighton. She was just the kind of girl he wanted to be with him for the current phase in his life. He had recently been promoted and was moving in a few months to Brussels. He had planned to ask Leighton to come along and as Kara had put it, "play house with him there'. He wasn't about to commit himself to one woman for all of eternity. He knew he would be back in town every now and then and there would be lots of Camilles, Alessandras, Cindys and Mindys to paint the town red with. But Leighton was ruining his plan!

He listened to the sound of the water draining into the sink, it was relaxing. He lit up another cigarette and brought Leighton back into his thoughts. He was sure that she didn't know anything about his Brussels plan or about his other women, which could only mean that she had canceled because she didn't quite feel the way for him as he had wanted her to. He felt his face and the back of his head burning up. He could not digest the thought.

* Knock!! Knock!! *

Camille had been knocking on the door for a while but he only just heard it. "I'm out in a little bit babe.. hang on.. hang on," he yelled over the sound of the running water. He thought she said something back but he couldn't immediately make it out and decided not to try either. "It's not her though.. it's me," he said to himself out loud. "Something is off with me, but what?" he probed. The answer lay within the deep recesses of his mind, he suspected, but how was he going to get it out? If getting to the bottom of this meant that he had to be his own shrink, he was ready and rolling. Ricky had always prided himself in being able to figure women out but Leighton wasn't like the rest of them, she was different. He had known of her forever but it was not until a few months ago that he had had a chance to interact with her on a regular basis and had gotten to know her better. It was around then that his Brussels move was finalized and so everything had fallen into place perfectly or so he had assumed. But she wasn't playing his game and funnily enough, neither was he! Why was he losing his cool and sleep over a girl who he didn't really know and who wasn't even a perfect 10? He had no clue. The knocking got louder and less intermittent.

Was all the work finally getting to him? Was he losing his mind? Or maybe this was the onset of some illness, like a brain tumor? The questions came at him at warp speed. "Or.. God forbid.. am I falling in love?" he laughed at the suggestion. Then for a brief second, he felt as if he heard a reply from somewhere deep within him but shook it off right away. "Love shmuv!" he scoffed as he put his cigarette out and washed his hands.

"I really need to go Ricky, OPEN UP!" Camille screamed at the top of her lungs. "Four other bathrooms but she's gotta use this one," he chuckled and finally opened the door. He looked into Camille's bright green eyes and gave her an ear-to-ear smile. "Are you gonna be as long as I was?" he enquired in jest. "There's a lot to do before dinner and we can't afford to waste any more time!" he said cheerfully, with a naughty twinkle in his eye.

"Lucky lucky me!" Camille giggled like a shy school girl, wrapped her arms around him and gave him a big delicious kiss.

# 9 : The best laid plans of mice & men... often go astray..

The following Monday, Leighton was at the The Daily Standard headquarters in the city going over her article with her editor, Larry. "This should do it Leighton. I like what you've done with the piece," Larry beamed with pride. He was a stout, short man who was never seen without his black oval-framed reading glasses. Well into his forties, he often stood out in a crowd with his full head of shiny silver hair. A lifelong commitment to brilliance and a perennial cheerful demeanor were his defining features. An ideal mentor for Leighton. He saw immense potential in Leighton and never missed an opportunity to encourage her work. Leighton smiled with relief. She had had a rather miserable weekend and had been fretting that her anxious energy had seeped into her writing. As she stood up to leave, she asked Larry if pay Kara a quick visit before she headed home. "Leighton, you don't remember? Today is the big board meeting at Immagini West.. she's won't be in today".

Over at the offices of Immagini West Publications, in the far west end of the city, the big board meeting was in full swing. This was the multi billion pound parent company that owned several media publications, including The Daily Standard. Timothy Ryerson was presenting his PowerPoint slides with all the exuberance he could muster up. The lanky thirty seven year old CFO was dressed in his best navy blue suit with his red hair combed in a perfect side part and his rimless glasses perched perfect on his nose. He tried to infuse his excitement into the boardroom blissfully unaware that his audience was apathetic at best.

"I can't imagine why he's always so happy," Jennifer Marrone, Senior VP for three years too many, scoffed as she nudged Kara. "You'd think he'd take it easy for once, considering how much poorer the divorce is making him". Kara rolled her eyes in disgust. "Now now ladies, let's not mock Mr. Joy & Sunshine here.The figures he's bringing in are fantastic," Ella chuckled. Ella Carmack-Rajdev was the Editor-in-Chief of the glamor and lifestyle magazine -'Bellissima' - Immagini West's largest and most treasured cash cow. She was very model-esque, with her curvaceous delicate size two frame, accentuated by her long blond curls and piercing blue eyes. She was the most stunning woman in that room. She was the most stunning woman in most rooms.

"That's what trolls like him are good for, doesn't surprise me". Timothy had become a perpetual target of Kara's scorn. Her snide remarks at her soon-to-be ex husband did not surprise anyone. "Hardly a way to speak of the father of your child," Jennifer teased. The three of them had been known each other for years and especially enjoyed 'bonding' during Immagini West's much hyped and much too drab board meetings. Fueled by a boredom that knew no bounds, Jennifer's mind, an eternal hothouse for all things sneaky, was in overdrive. She scribbled on a tiny piece of paper torn off the Annual Budget's sheet and carefully snuck it into Kara's folder. Kara overrode her curiosity and decided against stealing a peek at it.

"Ladies, give Crowther there a look," Ella whispered. "What's up with him? Is his mademoiselle in the Bahamas again?" Ella's sarcasm could put any Englishman to shame. Both Kara and Jennifer furtively glanced at him. They agreed with Ella. "I hear Alessandra is done with. It's some Camilla now, or Camille was it?" Jennifer dished. That piqued Ella's interest but not Kara's. She knew what, or rather who, was really on Ricky's mind. She waited patiently till his eyes met hers and then smirked. He stared back unamused.

"Thank you ladies and gentlemen for your undivided attention!" Timothy greeted his attention audience as he drew the presentation to a close. "After the lunch break, my lovely wife Kara will take the stage", he smiled and looked toward Kara as the others applauded. "Lovely ex-wife, you mean," Jennifer said unabashedly. Her disdain for Timothy was an open secret. "I'm starving ladies. Do you reckon I should get the garden salad with olives or with extra cherry tomatoes?" Kara and Jennifer could not believe the sincerity in her eyes. "Eat some real food, why don't you?" Jennifer mocked as they made their way to the cafe on Level Five.

Timothy was more than content with the day's proceedings. The presentation had gone exactly as he had hoped it would. He debated getting a quick lunch but then decided not to. He didn't have much of an appetite and the more he thought about it, the less hungry he got. He grabbed a bunch of his folders and walked toward the balcony at the end of the hallway. He had earned himself a well deserved cigarette break.

When he stepped onto the balcony he was surprised to find that he had company. "Hey Crowther! Howdy do?" he laughed as he gave Ricky a friendly slap on the back. Ricky nodded and pulled out a packet to offer Timothy a smoke. "Dunhill, eh? Good choice but I'm good with my Camel Lights, thanks old chap". Timothy noticed that his colleague was not his usual upbeat self. He was cracking his knuckles more than usual, had an air of restlessness about him and his face was contorted with what seemed like displeasure or was it dismay? He couldn't believe that Ricky was actually upset. In all the years that he had known him, he had never seen him emotionally affected by anything. He was concerned but too apprehensive to ask.

Timothy wondered if sharing some of his woes would help. Ricky might have no shoes today but if he saw someone with no feet, he would probably get some perspective and feel better. "Kara has filed for divorce. There's no pre-nup. It's going to cost me a lot, cost me.. everything," he quivered. It was a challenge to hold onto his composure. Ricky raised an eyebrow and looked at Timothy for a few seconds compassionately before looking away. "I know," he said softly. "Good news travels at the speed of light, doesn't it?" Timothy tried hard to make light of his turmoil but he could not deceive himself, or Ricky.

"I'm not contesting her claim for full custody of Bella either. I can't invite more ugliness into all our lives, especially not Bella's. This has been too tough on her". Ricky stayed silent.

Timothy finished his cigarette and turned to leave. "I've decided to let go and let God. I'm gonna trust the Almighty with this one, Crowther. Let His will and not mine be done," he sighed in dejection.

Just then Lillian, Timothy's assistant, popped her head into the balcony and shrieked, "Boss! We're starting now, please hurry!" They left immediately without Ricky. The heat was scorching that afternoon. The balcony was on the thirty-fifth floor and in front of Ricky's eyes lay a splendid view of the cityscape. But Ricky's mind was elsewhere. He took the final drag and exhaled very slowly, very reluctantly. Then he threw the cigarette butt on the floor, stepped on it and twisted it several times angrily. The Dunhill taste in his mouth did not feel as good as it usually did. He craved something else, something sweeter, like cherry blossom.

"Why did she cancel on me?" The thought rang in his mind for the millionth time that day. On an impulse, he took the packet in his hand and flung it into the sky, as far as he could. "Take that!" he yelled out in frustration. He despised not getting his way.

# 8 : Moving ahead.. or moving behind?

Annamaria hurried up the stairs to Leighton's bedroom with seven summer dresses in hand. When she pushed the door open, she was surprised to find Leighton on the floor with, what seemed like, all the accessories she owned. Leighton's anxiety was palpable. It was as if the entire room was echoing the doubts she had about the weekend trip with Ricky. "Here it is bella. Choose what you want and I will pack for you," Annamaria said in her usual gentle caring voice.

Leighton looked at her dresses for a few seconds and then sighed. "Could you please choose for me?"she pleaded. Her puppy dog eyes instantly melted Annamaria's heart. She sat down next to her beloved Leighton, dresses still in hand. Leighton gave her a warm hug and then rested her head on Annamaria's lap. They sat there for a while. "You want to go, yes?" Annamaria asked, abruptly breaking the silence. Leighton did not answer. She did not know the answer. She tightened her hug a little more.

"The pizza should be ready very soon. I will go to the kitchen now. You will leave at three o'clock, yes?" Leighton sat up slowly, nodded her head and started pulling out several pairs of shoes. As soon she heard Annamaria shut the door behind her, she stopped and lay down again on the wooden floor. She hated packing with a passion. It was her least favorite activity. But that morning, it was even worse because she was plagued by a lot of doubts and even more guilt. She was sick to her stomach with fear.

She slowly stumbled across the accessory-laden floor to the bed where her bag lay half-filled with clothes. She wondered if she should take any hair styling appliances or if that would be too much. Suddenly, an image flashed across her eyes. It was a memory so vivid that it gripped her firmly and transported her back in time to a moment in the distant past. There she was standing in front of the mirror admiring her long silky straightened hair. Just then Nathan walked in and exclaimed, "Wow! You're so stunning Ley, your hair looks fabulous!"

Leighton blinked a few times. She was back in the present, only now a lot sicker. She resumed folding her dresses but she could not shake off the feeling of despair. She hadn't imagined what the next three days with Ricky at the mountain lodge would be like. She didn't want to admit it but the truth was that she did not want to think about it. She looked at her cell phone. Should she call him and cancel? Could she do that? Is this an awful mistake? Her eyes wandered back to her cell phone. She stared at it for a few seconds; a wave of fear swept across her. Her heart started beating faster and louder as she picked up the phone and dialled. She heard it ring at the other end. The thoughts in her mind started racing at ninety to nothing and her heart was beating so loud, she was afraid Annamaria would hear it all the way downstairs in the kitchen.

"Hello," he said.

Leighton froze.

"Yeah?" he asked. "Umm, it's me,' she replied in a voice so faint, it was barely a whisper. "Nathan, it's me"
.
"Yeah I know," Nathan replied. Neither of them said another word for the next 30 seconds and then Leighton stammered, "What are you doing?" He told her that he was watching a soccer game. She wasn't surprised. Soccer was his religion. She wondered if he was upset that she had called at a time of worship. She frantically struggled to figure out what mood he was in and whether he would talk to her and if yes, then would it be for more than a few minutes. She didn't know why she had called him, she didn't have anything to say or talk about but she wanted to talk; she needed to talk.

"Umm.. so, I want to tell you something. There's a convention next month.. in your city.. and some of us might go for it and I guess I might be one of them but I don't know because I never usually go for such things. I can't be bothered to, you know that I don't enjoy them but this time I was thinking, you know of course I would hate it and it would be waste of time really but it could also like be okay, because you know it's there and you're there. So maybe I could see you. Could I see you, if I came?"

Nathan: "When is it?"

Leighton; "Next month.. next month"

Nathan: "When?"

Leighton: "In June"

Nathan: "I know next month is June. Tell me when?"

Leighton: "I don't know right now"

An extremely long pause followed. It was so eerie that Leighton could have sworn that even the birds outside had stopped chirping.

Nathan: "Okay. But I can't make any promises Ley because things can come up. If something comes up that I have to do, then I can't see you. And if you come during the week, it will be next to impossible to meet. So don't make your decision to come or not to come based on me".

Leighton searched for signs of emotion in his voice but there were none. Was he upset that she had called? Was she not letting him enjoy his time off? Was he unhappy to talk to her? The questions in her mind felt like little painful stabs at her heart.

Leighton: "You don't want to see me?" Her eyes welled up with tears.

Nathan: "I won't make up random excuses not to see you. I just can't make any promises"

The harshness in his tone became unbearable and Leighton broke down. She couldn't handle his icy coldness. "Why are you talking to me like this? What did I do to you?" she sobbed. "I'm talking to you very nicely and it's not like I'm asking you to stick to me the whole time I'm there, if I do come".

Nathan was taken by surprise. His voice softened a tad and for the first time in their conversation, he let his guard down. "Why are you crying Ley? Don't take this personally. I really can't make any promises. It has nothing to do with you. I would say it to anyone". He knew his words would not reassure her but he tried nonetheless.

"It's not about what you're saying, it's how you're saying it," Leighton weeped. Now her sobs had been replaced by soft, but controlled, cries.

Nathan was dumbfounded. "I would talk this way to anyone and no one would ever cry if they heard me speak this way. You wouldn't cry too, if anyone else spoke this way to you, would you Ley?" she argued.

"But I'm not anyone off the street and you're not anyone to me," she counter-argued. "Then shouldn't you ask yourself why am I not just anyone to you? Why am I still so important when I am not in your life today? I don't understand," he reasoned.

Leighton couldn't believe that Nathan was challenging why she felt he was still important to her! He was like a God to her. "You do not have to do anything in my every day life today or tomorrow or the day after for you to be important to me. You are important to me because you are!" she declared. Their communication had deteriorated, again. For the next few minutes, Leighton cried softly and Nathan kept silent.

"You don't need to stay on the phone", she said finally. "I don't want to leave you like this either," he replied gently.

There was another very long silence but this one felt warmer to Leighton, only slightly. "Why are you questioning how import..". The call disconnected before she could finish. A message blinked on the screen- Out of Credit Please Top-up

Leighton threw her phone on the bed and sat down on the floor again. She was relieved that the conversation had ended, even if abruptly, and thanked the phone gods for having shown her mercy that morning. She sat on the floor not knowing what to think or feel. Tears started flowing and and she watched as they dropped onto the dark redwood flooring. Her heart ached at the thought of his cold emotion-less voice. He had shut her out of his life, even though he loved and cared about her so much. Leighton looked outside the window at the light blue clear sky, with her teary eyes and cried out,"Why?"

****************************

Annamaria walked into the kitchen at around half past two expecting to see Leighton there enjoying her special home-made chicken and mushroom pizza. She was bewildered when she found the kitchen dark and empty. She put two slices on a plate, popped open a can of diet coke and poured into a glass with ice and a thin slice of lemon. There was no way she was going to let Leighton leave without eating anything. She knocked on her door a couple of times but there was no answer. Annamaria felt a sudden pang of worry. She opened the door slowly. The room was still in a mess, the bag was unpacked and had been placed on one side and Leighton was fast asleep. Annamaria put down the tray and went up to Leighton. She sat on the bed next to her and gently stroked her hair. Leighton opened her eyes and big tears rolled down her cheeks. "I'm not going, I told him," she whispered. Annamaria furrowed her brow and squeezed Leighton's hand. "Did he get angry?" she enquired.

"I don't know. I just sent him an email and canceled. I can't go Anna. I just cannot go," Leighton stressed without any further explanation.

Annamaria didn't ask any more questions, she didn't have to. She had understood. She told Leighton that she would wake her up in a few hours after which she would have to eat. Leighton agreed. Annamaria stayed next to her on the bed and sang a sweet prayer, as she drifted into slumber.

Be blessed, Be blessed
I pray that your soul will be blessed

Enter a place where you never have to cry
Never have to live a lie
Never have to wonder why

Be blessed, Be blessed

# 7 : What's Really Poppin' ??

Kara was at her desk, in her office, perusing an article Ricky had written on sustainable business practices. She was impressed with his work but she had no intention of making her true opinion known. The telephone rang. "It's Mr. Eric Crowther for you, Ma'am," Lorrie,her assistant, informed. She asked her to send him in. Lorrie's high-pitched squeaky voice had put Kara off.

"Goood Morning!", announced Ricky as he flung open the door and sashayed in with a great big smile. He plonked himself on the chair in front of her. "You rang?" he grinned. "The incorrigible Mr. Crowther. Welcome!" Kara sighed in disbelief and continued reading the article. "This article is decent... unlike your usual fare," she said. Ricky saw through her pretense and laughed. "So what's poppin' then?" he enquired.

Kara didn't respond a few minutes. Then without looking up at him she said, "I have things to discuss with you". "Then discuss away!" Ricky replied. His finger tapping on her desk was getting louder and his patience to sit still on the brown leather swivel chair was running out. "Do you mind? I'm not done with this yet," she snapped. Ricky felt the core of his being freeze up by her icy cold tone. "What's a guy gotta do to get some coffee around here?" he joked half-heartedly, in a vain attempt to lighten things up.

Kara: "So how was the date at Casa di Amore then?"

Ricky looked bewildered.

Kara: "Did you .. ehm, how shall I put it.. score?"

Ricky: "I beg your pardon! Did you ask me here to discuss my personal life?"

Kara: "Well, it's not quite personal if it involves one of my employees, is it? So do tell me Mr. Crowther, what do you have mind? I believe Alessandra still leaves for her photo-shoots most mornings from your place, am I correct? So where does Leighton figure in this mess?"

Ricky couldn't believe his ears. Kara had taken him by complete surprise. He struggled to keep a straight face. Kara's private eye skills, remarkable as they were, were not going to get the better of him. He was sure of that. "That's nonsense," he laughed nervously.

Kara found Ricky's failed attempt to portray nonchalance amusing. She put the article aside, looked him straight in the eye at him and said, as cheekily she she could, "I guess then that it would be safe for me to say that you were not at the Red Lounge Bar last night cozying up to a half-naked Alessandra". Ricky's face turned a deep hue of beet red. "That's not true," he stuttered.

"Hmm.. you're right, not entirely true". She leaned forward toward him and whispered, "She was about three-quarters naked!"

The next 15 minutes were marked by an exceptionally awkward silence as Ricky tried to think of something to say. Kara had resumed her reading. "So you're going to spill the beans then," he said finally. "Great. Go ahead but who will believe you? Why would she?" No one said a word for another good five or six minutes.

After what seemed like an eternity to Ricky, Kara rang Lorrie and asked for two cups of Latte to be sent in. "Don't forget the sugar for Mr Crowther," she added as she ended the call. "To help the medicine go down". She leaned back in her fancy leather chair and got comfortable. Her eyes fixed on him, the perverse delight of having snared him was written all over her face.

He struggled to hold her gaze. The unusually rapid pace of his heartbeat and the anticipation was killing him. What was Kara going to do? He despised being the object of her derision but for now he was helpless. He slid his shaking hands into his pockets, to further the charade of indifference, but indeed to conceal them. "How much did doing up her office cost them?" he wondered. A small fortune no doubt. He tried to contain his mounting anxiety by mercilessly cracking his knuckles. He was a goner.

Kara: "Relax Mr Crowther. You don't really think that I give a damn about your life, do you? I just want to know what your deal here is. Because if you continue your game, very soon my staff is going to be one short, which will end up messing with my business. And I'm sure you know how much I dislike that."

Ricky: "My game? You don't know me to judge me, Kara!"

Kara: "This is not judgement my dear, this is just some plain ol' mending fences. Oh and I do know you, a little too well regrettably"

Ricky laughed out loud. Her words had instantly lifted the massive weight of trepidation off his chest. He would survive the ordeal after all for Kara's threat to tell on him was an empty one. He did not appreciate her callous attempt to show him who's boss, but it was expected of her. After all, she was a woman who lived off one-upmanship. He was not one to keep score, but he would get back at her later.

He picked up Latte, pushed his chair away from the desk, spread his legs out as if to mark his territory. "So you regret it now?" The king had made a comeback.

Kara overlooked his query. "Does she know you're moving in three months?"

Ricky: "No but she will, eventually. I plan to take her with me"

"That's convenient - so you'll have someone to play house with. You can't have your cake and eat it too, you know," Kara warned.

"Watch me," he retorted, peevishly. Since when had she become the moral compass of Londoners?

Ricky decided against gulping down his now cold and tasteless drink. "You ought not to give me such scares, Mrs Ryerson," He knew she hated that title. "I had hoped to live till a ripe ninety but I'm sure I lost a couple years here today". He stood at the door for a few seconds and then as if instinctively asked her. "Any tips for a friend?"

Kara stopped reading for a few seconds but took care not to make it obvious to him. Then without any emotion, she stated plainly, "I would be wary of Emily".

There was a glint of triumph in Ricky's eyes. He left without saying goodbye.

# 6 : Letting Go

The next day at the 'Know Thyself Yoga and Meditation' Center', where Emily and Leighton met twice a month for a Saturday afternoon retreat, Leighton was surprised to find that Emily was missing. She arrived forty minutes into their first class. The two girls smiled at each other a couple of times from their seats across the room but only got a chance to catch up after an hour and half of meditative silence.

As soon the class ended, Emily hurried across to Leighton's seat and gave her a giant hug. "It's so good to see you, Leybear!" she giggled. They shared a few laughs and then made their way to the next room where they were going to meditate for another forty five minutes. "So why didn't you come then? Caught up at work?" Emily asked her. She was eager to know why Leighton hadn't attended Paisley and Derek's engagement party the previous night. But Leighton wasn't ready to have that conversation yet. She looked at her feet, mumbled some gibberish and then excused herself to get a quick drink of water before the next class began.

Emily placed her mat at her usual spot and sat down with her legs crossed. As she sat up straight and closed her eyes, a flood of thoughts overwhelmed her mind. "Now students, please clear your mind completely. We are not here to think, we are here to relax and just be," the instructor advised. "Be what?" Emily wondered as she slowly succumbed to the tornado of thoughts. She felt very anxious. Just then, she heard the sound of another mat being placed close to her. She squinted and caught a quick glimpse of Leighton positioning herself next to her. That set off another wave of thoughts in Emily's mind. Thoughts that were making her feel helpless, irritated and even angry. She squirmed, uncrossed and crossed her legs a few times until she felt comfortable again.

"Psst.. Ley," she whispered with her eyes still closed, hoping Leighton would hear her. "Can you hear me? Were you out last night?" she probed. Leighton whispered back hesitantly, "What are you doing Em? We can't talk!"

Emily's fears had been confirmed . Leighton was definitely out on a date. Two long years since she and Nathan had parted ways. Two years and many random men later, Emily believed that Leighton's heart still belonged to Nathan, and she took much solace in that. Her personal feelings were deeply invested in the the relationship between the two of them, even if they both claimed that it was broken forever. What was happening now though? Had Leighton had a change of mind and God forbid, a change of heart? The more Emily tried to not think about it, the more she did and the more the ugly monster of fear grew.

"Do you really like him?" Leighton was having as much luck 'just being' as Emily was. She did not want to break her sweet friend's heart but at this point, it was inevitable. "Maybe," she whispered..

Emily's heart stopped beating for an entire minute.

She must have turned blue because at that moment, the instructor walked up to her and gently whispered a few kinds words of reassurance in her ear and encouraged her to relax. "I know you can do it", she said as she left. But all Emily could think of was her friend's new found love. She opened her eyes and slowly, very carefully moved up closer to Leighton. "Please talk to me Ley". Leighton opened her eyes, took her hand and said softly, "I'm letting go of Nathan, Em. I can't go on like this anymore. I'm tired. And lonely".

"I don't want to be sad anymore. Nathan has made his decision". Emily disagreed but she knew anything she said in Nathan's defense would fall on deaf ears. It seemed like Leighton's mind was made up. "His memories are imprinted on your soul and you know it," Emily said. She would say no more.

The bell went off, their class had come to an end. There was a sudden burst of noises: voices expressing relief, the sound of mats being folded, people walking around, cell phones ringing, soda cans popping open. The trow friends stood in the midst of the chaos. "What I'm trying to tell you Emily is that I've decided to let go of the idea that Nathan and I will ever get back together again and I am really okay with that," Leighton sighed.

The rest of the day was tainted with a marked feeling of loss, for Emily and for Leighton.

# 5 : "Et tu, Leighton?"

The date was going well. Leighton couldn't remember the last time that she had had an evening as splendid as The food was divine, the wine was delicious, the ambiance of the restaurant was classy yet relaxed and comfortable. The candle on their dinner table was rose-scented, soft pink roses adorned the entire room and the dessert entrees on the menu had included a special low-fat option, just for her.

Midway through the meal, Ricky decided to order another bottle of wine. As he looked through the wine list, Leighton was overcome by a bizarre feeling. She felt a part of herself leave her body and float above their table, over them. She felt it was watching her, judging her. Was it her soul? It couldn't be. What was it saying? She strained to hear but failed.

"Babe, you're going to love the wine I just ordered. I can't wait for you to taste it". He held her hand in his. His touch sent a wave of tingles all over her and she smiled. "Your smile drives me crazy, you know that?" He said something else after that but Leighton couldn't hear it; that thing that had perched itself above them was now screaming out at her. Suddenly, she felt another part of herself float above and join that thing. The two things then started yelling at each other. Too much wine or was she losing her mind?

"Okay, I think I'm going crazy," she exclaimed taking Ricky by surprise. He gave a heartwarming smile and then whispered into her ears, "Hold on champ, we're just getting started here". Leighton wanted to smile back but her head throbbing in pain. The waiter arrived with their bottle and served them the wine. She could not wait for Ricky to finish his toast and gulped down the entire glass. Disbelief was plastered across Ricky's face. "We're just getting started, aren't we?" she said.

As the night proceeded, she realized that the things flying above were parts of her mind that had differing opinions. She began to comprehend what they were trying to say. One of them was unhappy that she was out on the date with Ricky while the other one was very pleased. As if the one that disapproved was as a mini-angel of sorts, with wings on its back, and its counterpart was a little devil. Projections of the the dialogue in her mind? Perhaps.

Mini-Angel: "What do you think you are doing here Leighton? Giving him false hopes of a future with you when you know too well that no such thing will ever happen. Have you no shame?"

Mini-Devil: "Lying to her about what will or will not happen. Have you no shame?"

Mini-Angel: "Listen to my voice alone! Do you honestly believe the guy has turned on a new leaf? I do not! Go home Leighton"

Mini-Devil: "Let her enjoy the gorgeous evening, will you?"

Mini-Angel: "I would if she were with Nathan"
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Mini-Devil: "Well then, where is he? Didn't he say that he has no time for this and nothing to give? Didn't he say that he didn't want the instability Leighton can bring into his life? So much for the great revered Nathan!"

Mini-Angel: "Don't take his words out of context you evil beast. He loves her and she loves him and that's that. If he could, then he would be with her"

Mini-Devil: "Lies and excuses. Forget about Nathan. Look at the guy in front of you tonight. It does not get better than this. Don't mess it up, Leighton. Don't mess it up"

Ricky put his arm around Leighton lovingly and stroked her dark brown curls. She looked into his mocha brown eyes and got lost in their hypnotic charm for a few seconds. "You haven't said anything in a while babe". "I'm listening to you Ricky. Go on," she urged sweetly. In reality she hadn't heard a word of what he had said. The heated conversation in her imagination had consumed her entire attention.

Mini-Angel: "Nathan is not perfect, true. He is flawed but he is also yours and will be yours forever. So please hear what I have to say. The evening is over, now please go home"

There was a silence, a long chilly one. Neither the Mini-Angel nor the Mini-Devil said a word more.

"Shall we take a walk by the river?" Ricky suggested as they got up to leave. Leighton wrapped her navy blue cashmere silk shawl around herself. She could see the river through the window. She considered going home. Just then, Ricky moved up close to her and put his arms around her in a warm loving embrace. She hugged him back.

The imaginary Mini-Devil burst into song and and danced with unbounded joy. A victory dance like no other.

They walked outside hand in hand. Ricky took the lead as they headed south toward the walkway alongside the river. An unexpected breeze ruffled Leighton's long hair and almost blew her shawl off. As she grasped onto it, she looked up and saw her Mini-Angel slowly dissipating into the cool night air. As it vanished, it whispered, "Et tu, Leighton?"

She felt a sword of condemnation slice right through her but she chose to continue the evening with Ricky anyway.